the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
