my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
