he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
