When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
