I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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