I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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