New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
