Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
