My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
