By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
