I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
