Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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