Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

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(336): View more from North Carolina

There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.

(336): View more from North Carolina

This is god's gift to the unemployed.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to

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(620): View more from Kansas

Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?

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(404): View more from Georgia

You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

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(702): View more from Nevada

My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story

(702): View more from Nevada

they all just nodded

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.

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(816): View more from Missouri

i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit

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