woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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