i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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