just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
