some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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