I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You need a sexual gate keeper
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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