That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
