while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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