I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.