Me. At least after what I've been through.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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