Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
