Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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