glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want nice things and good sex
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
