wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
