you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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