Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
