Soap is not a condiment
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
