she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
