Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
