She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
