thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?