Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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