remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself