I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles