Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT