she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver