home. puking in laundry basket.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
