home. puking in laundry basket.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
