OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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