If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I stole a fireplace last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize