god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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