just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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