I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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