im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
