I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
