I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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