fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
