if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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