If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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