Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
