I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
