is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
