whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I party with great urgency now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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