they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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