Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
