Barsexuality is the new black.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
