Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
