i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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