A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
