this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
