You work out of a Hotel?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
