no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
