guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
