some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
