Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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