I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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