I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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