her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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