he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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