I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
