how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
